Monday, June 2, 2014

Never enough time. Ever.

I have been SO exhausted in the evenings. Around 6 pm, I start counting down until bedtime. All I want to do is drink a glass of wine and not hear the word "mom" for about 30 seconds. Is that too much to ask?

I found myself telling my 5 year old I was changing my name. He innocently replied "What are you changing it to? Mallory?" Nicely played son.

As a mom, you find yourself experiencing such strong exhaustion at the EXACT same time you're feeling extreme love and fulfillment. There are so many things that I want to complete in a 24 hour period that just don't get done the entire year. Sitting down to blog is one of them. Crafting... Is that a thing of the past? Ooohhhh How about reading a book? Can't tell you the last time I did that. I hate to admit it, but I haven't even read "50 Shades of Grey." Gasp.... I know!

How mom's find time... I don't know.

As soon as I get done with dinner, baths, brushing teeth, and putting each kid to bed I just want to sit on my 8 months pregnant butt and watch trashy TV. (I DVR'd The Bachelorette tonight!) Oh, but before then I am tucking Logan in for the 30th time. He needed one more kiss. One more snuggle. One more.... anything he could think of to NOT go to bed.

You know what? He is going to stop wanting that "one more" kiss. He is. Kora will eventually brush her own teeth. It happens.

Life keeps going no matter how much sleep you miss. How much you don't complete in your 24 hour day. It never stops.

As exhausted as I am... I am bursting at the seams with love. With gratitude. How in the world did I get picked to be their momma is beyond me! I'm so blessed that I welcome these yawns.

Being a mom is the most amazing experience I have ever had. I really don't know what purpose I had before them.

My kids make me scream, cry, laugh, be silly, worry, learn, strive to be better than I was the day before.

They complete me.

I know once Sadie gets here, I'll be even more tired. I have no idea how I am emotionally or physically going to be able to take care of THREE... but I will.

Have I mentioned that it's almost 2 am and I still have stuff to do before Monday's sunshine bursts through the windows? 

It will wait. My kid's childhood won't.



 
Did I mention that we decided TODAY we were going to move to a smaller house? Not only that but we found a home hours after deciding we were going to look... and BAM. We sign the lease tomorrow. That's a blog for another day.
 
Goodnight Y'all.

Thursday, January 9, 2014

Having Gratitude... Everyday.

My husband gave me a Happiness Journal for Christmas. For FIVE years you write one sentence a day. It's really made me stop and think. So many nights I lay in bed relieved... Relieved it's bedtime. Relieved I get to lay horizontal and not be waiting on K and L's every need. Relieved the laundry can wait. You get the point.... I'm beat. I'm exhausted.

So..... Back to the book! It helps me reflect on my day. It helps me think about all that I'm blessed with. It reminds me how lucky I am to even have TWO (Soon to be 3) amazing kiddos to fill my days with laughter, joy, tears, adventure, and exhaustion.

I love the idea of this book because no matter how busy you are, you can write ONE sentence.

I love the idea of this book because no matter how crazy and stressful your day is, you can write ONE sentence about something positive.

Here's mine today: My husband and I took the kids for their flu shots (I know, so much fun!) and they did amazing. They were patient and forgiving!

So, here's to finding your daily dose of happiness!

Sunday, January 5, 2014

Hello Stranger!

Wow! I have no idea even how to explain where the time went.

I just to view my blogging as therapy. I needed to write my thoughts down in some way in order to stay somewhat sane. I'm really not sure how over a year went by without one blog post.

Life doesn't stop. Not even for a second. No matter what you're doing, who you're with... what planet you're on. It keeps going. Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever catch up. Once you have kids it passes even quicker.

I have a list of things I want to do. Will I ever get to it... I'm not sure. This year I am going to try. I am going to try and cross off as many things that I can. Not a bucket list, but a YOU MUST ACCOMPLISH list. Maybe that will give me more motivation.

I started reading a "self-help" book... you know, one of those books you start reading after the new year because you want to find a way to better yourself more so than last year? Well, I'm only 4 days in but I feel better already! (Maybe, it's that I'm finally in my 2nd trimester and I'm not feeling nauseous. Who knows!)

Back to the book... It's "365 Positive Ways to Start Your Day." I always do things backwards so I do it every night. Go figure!

Today was about saying "DO" instead of "TRY." I didn't realize how much of a difference that made! There are so many things that I try to do, but I don't. I just get so busy with everything else that I just forget. I plan to get it done the following day... and the next thing I know it's 2014.

Today's Affirmation is to set smart goals and take action.

S. Specific
M. Measurable
A. Attainable
R. Realistic
T. Timely

I will blog 2-3 times a week. About anything. Life. Love. Kids. Food. Whatever.

I will bring the kids baby books up-to-date. (Yes, I know... My kids are young. Their books, however, are blank...still.)

I will spend more alone time with my husband.

I will be more hands on in whatever I am doing and STOP burying my nose in my phone.

This list could go on for days. It really could. It's all about making progress and not overwhelming yourself so you eventually give up. These will be my main ones for now, but I will continue to add.

3:00 AM Rambles at it''s finest.

Good Night Folks.

Sunday, November 18, 2012

Thankful for this crazy life.

Is it seriously November already? I feel like we just moved back from Korea. We have been home almost 5 months already!! Now here we are... entering another holiday season. I love the holidays. I love the smells, the shopping, the weather, the food, the closeness you feel, and how everyone around you gets into "the spirit!" This time of year is by far my favorite.

After being in Korea for the past TWO holiday seasons I have to admit I am over the moon being back in the states. There are so many traditions that you take for granted that we didn't get to do while overseas. Besides not being with family.... Looking at Christmas lights was something I truly missed not being able to show Logan. Also going to a pumpkin patch, getting pictures taken with the REAL mall Santa, Christmas shopping everywhere, Christmas music in every building/on every radio station... Oh how I missed you AMERICA!!!

Since being back I have made a list of a million things I want to take the kiddos to (Mainly Logan since Kora is still too little). The pumpkin patch was one of them so we drove the hour and a half just for some Fall fun! It was such an amazing adventure. The company was great too. Our neighbors are a huge blessing that I am VERY thankful for! Kora was wonderful even though it was extremely HOT and boring for her! Logan had a blast feeding goats, going on a hayride, picking wild flowers, looking at lots of pumpkins, and going through the Texas shaped corn maze. It was so much fun spending time as a family. This will be a new tradition every year while we are still stationed in Texas.

Now, on to carving pumpkins with the fam! Happy Fall Y'all!

Wednesday, October 31, 2012

A Constant Struggle.... Always.

I have debated with myself over and over about posting a blog about this subject.  For so long now I keep finding myself saying "No, it's too personal." I love blogging and sharing with others, but some things I rather just leave people guessing....

So now you're all wondering what I am talking about. 

My weight.

Maybe I was in denial for a while, but after thinking about it.... This inner monster has battled with me since Junior High.  Yes, I have been at a healthy weight for most of that time, but I have never been happy with my body.  I have never looked in the mirror and said "Dang Girl, You're all that and a bag of chips."

Speaking of chips....  Just kidding.

So back to my struggle.  I am now at the highest weight I have ever been. I have this false expectation that weight should be falling off of me now that I had Kora... but the truth is... It's sticking like glue.  I keep reminding myself that I didn't gain all this weight overnight and I sure as heck won't lose it all overnight! It is going to take lots of time.  Thank goodness I have all the time in the world.  Well, kind of.

So now you're all thinking..... the terrible, horrible, NO GOOD, very bad question.  How much do I weigh?  I feel like if I spill the beans (More like lay off the beans) then I will keep myself accountable. I feel like if I scream at the world... "Hey, I'm really struggling here.... I'm unhealthy and I want to change!" Maybe someone else will get motivated and change their life with me. 

192 lbs.... That's the damage. And I say damange because our bodies aren't meant to carry this much weight, and neither are our organs. You know, the important things that keep you alive? 

All I have is excuses.

Korea (It was rough), Getting on Anti-Depressants (Yes, I'm human), Birth-Control (They say it can make you gain weight), Cupcakes (They're so good), Holidays (There's always a holiday), Being Pregnant (The more sweets you eat the sweeter the kid), Cupcakes (Always wanting cupcakes)..... That's all they are, Excuses.

Now this is where I change my excuses into actions.  I am now holding myself accountable. I don't want to be embarrassed anymore. 

Things I Hate:
  • Wearing jeans everyday during the 100 degree plus summers because I won't wear shorts.
  • Logan.... He hasn't been swimming before because I won't wear a swimsuit. 
  • If a Zombie was running after me... I would die... because I am overweight. (Hey, This lady could feed our whole clan!)
  • Getting my picture taken.
  • Shopping for clothes.
  • Thinking about
  • Exercising in front of people.
  • How all the yummy food is SO BAD for you. 
  • And the list goes on.....
Anyway... my point is that it's time for me to get back to where I want to be. I want to bring sexy back! For real this time.  I am done having babies so at least this time I can get to my goal body (weight too, but really that doesn't matter if you're fit and healthy.) and work to maintain.

Here's a picture of right before I met James and a picture of right after I met him.
(Yes, I know it's hard to believe but I was a Bud Girl.)

 
This is me now:

So here we go....  First step is admitting there is a problem and finding a way to fix it. I'm being honest with you... and with myself. Only hardwork will get me to where I need to be... where I WANT to be. 

**Disclaimer- This blog isn't going to become a crazy fitness blog, but it will have updates on my weigh-ins and daily struggles.**