So now you're all wondering what I am talking about.
Maybe I was in denial for a while, but after thinking about it.... This inner monster has battled with me since Junior High. Yes, I have been at a healthy weight for most of that time, but I have never been happy with my body. I have never looked in the mirror and said "Dang Girl, You're all that and a bag of chips."
Speaking of chips.... Just kidding.
So back to my struggle. I am now at the highest weight I have ever been. I have this false expectation that weight should be falling off of me now that I had Kora... but the truth is... It's sticking like glue. I keep reminding myself that I didn't gain all this weight overnight and I sure as heck won't lose it all overnight! It is going to take lots of time. Thank goodness I have all the time in the world. Well, kind of.
So now you're all thinking..... the terrible, horrible, NO GOOD, very bad question. How much do I weigh? I feel like if I spill the beans (More like lay off the beans) then I will keep myself accountable. I feel like if I scream at the world... "Hey, I'm really struggling here.... I'm unhealthy and I want to change!" Maybe someone else will get motivated and change their life with me.
192 lbs.... That's the damage. And I say damange because our bodies aren't meant to carry this much weight, and neither are our organs. You know, the important things that keep you alive?
All I have is excuses.
Korea (It was rough), Getting on Anti-Depressants (Yes, I'm human), Birth-Control (They say it can make you gain weight), Cupcakes (They're so good), Holidays (There's always a holiday), Being Pregnant (The more sweets you eat the sweeter the kid), Cupcakes (Always wanting cupcakes)..... That's all they are, Excuses.
Now this is where I change my excuses into actions. I am now holding myself accountable. I don't want to be embarrassed anymore.
Things I Hate:
- Wearing jeans everyday during the 100 degree plus summers because I won't wear shorts.
- Logan.... He hasn't been swimming before because I won't wear a swimsuit.
- If a Zombie was running after me... I would die... because I am overweight. (Hey, This lady could feed our whole clan!)
- Getting my picture taken.
- Shopping for clothes.
- Thinking about
- Exercising in front of people.
- How all the yummy food is SO BAD for you.
- And the list goes on.....
Here's a picture of right before I met James and a picture of right after I met him.
(Yes, I know it's hard to believe but I was a Bud Girl.)
This is me now:
So here we go.... First step is admitting there is a problem and finding a way to fix it. I'm being honest with you... and with myself. Only hardwork will get me to where I need to be... where I WANT to be.
**Disclaimer- This blog isn't going to become a crazy fitness blog, but it will have updates on my weigh-ins and daily struggles.**